The Long Vacation

Well, I try to imagine its a vacation. Unfortunately it isn't. For only the second time in my adult life, I am unemployed. A mix of feelings accompany this state for me. I feel oddly relieved because I had grown so frustrated and stressed where I was. I feel the beginnings of panic as I wonder how and whether I will be able to take care of my family. Money may not be everything, but it does pay the bills--if you have it. I feel bitter and angry because of how my state of unemployment came about. I feel inadequate and like a failure and find myself wondering if I'm really any good at all. I feel stressed because I know how difficult this must be for my family. I feel hope that I might find something more suitable. I feel honored as so many friends have already rallied in support around us. I feel a bit lost as I'm not used to having *any* free time, much less most of every day. I feel frustrated because I'm not in control. These thoughts and so many more repeatedly rumbling and dancing through my mind make it very difficult to concentrate. The result is I'm like a pathethic little goldfish wandering from one shiny object to another. I'm praying for peace, looking for a job, and hoping for provision.